In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed
 through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on
 consumer goods.
 
 1. On Sears hairdryer:
    "Do not use while sleeping."
    (Gee, that's the only time You have to work on your hair)
 
 2. On a bag of Fritos:
    "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
    (Evidently, the shoplifter special)
 
 3. On a bar of Dial soap:
    "Directions: Use like regular soap."
    (And that would be how. . . ?)
 
 4. On some Swanson frozen dinners:
    "Serving suggestions: Defrost."
    (But it's *just* a suggestion)
 
 5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):
    "Do not turn upside down."
    (Oops, too late!)
 
 6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
    "Product will be hot after heating."
    (As night follows the day . . . .)
 
 7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
    "Do not iron clothes on body."
    (But wouldn't this save even more time?)
 
 8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
    "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this
     medication."
    (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents
     if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off
     those forklifts.)
 
 9. On Nytol Sleep Aid:
    "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
    (One would hope)
 
 10. On most brands of Christmas lights:
     "For indoor or outdoor use only."
    (As opposed to what?)
 
 11. On a Japanese food processor:
     "Not to be used for the other use."
    (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
 
 12. On Sainsbury's peanuts:
     "Warning: Contains nuts."
      
 13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
     "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
     and theeen..?

 
 14. On a child's Superman costume:
     "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
     ( Don't blame the company, blame the parents for this one.)
 
 15. On a Swedish chain saw:
     "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
     (Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?...Good grief)
 
 16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid:
     "Do not use on food."
     (Hey, Mom, we're out of syrup! It's OK honey just grab the
      Palmolive!)
 
 17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste:
     "If swallowed contact poison control."
     (Oh please have you ever heard about someone dying from
      swallowing a little toothpaste?)
 
 18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent:
     "Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine."
     (Hey no more swimming in the washing machine kids)