Women's English
 
 Yes = No
 
 No = Yes
 
 Maybe = No
 
 I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
 
 We need = I want
 
 It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by
                      now.
 
 Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
 
 We need to talk = I need to complain
 
 Sure ... go ahead = I don't want you to
 
 I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
 
 You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
 
 You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think
                                      about?
 
 Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
 
 This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
 
 I want new curtains = ... and carpeting, and furniture,
                       and wallpaper
 
 Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
 
 I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
 
 Do you love me = I'm going to ask for something expensive
 
 How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not
                            going to like
 
 I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good
                             game on TV
 
 Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
 
 You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
 
 I'm not yelling = Yes I am yelling because I think this is
                   important
 
 
 
 Men's English
 
 I'm hungry = I'm hungry
 
 I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
 
 I'm tired = I'm tired
 
 Do you want to go to a movie = I'd eventually like to have sex
                                with you
 
 Can I take you out to dinner = I'd eventually like to have sex
                                with you
 
 Can I call you sometime = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
 
 May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
 
 Nice dress! = Nice tits!
 
 You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
 
 What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
 
 I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
 
 I love you = Let's have sex now
 
 I love you, too = Okay, I said it ... We'd better have sex now!
 
 Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = Okay, I said it ... We'd
                                         better have sex now!
 
 Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a
              deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex
              with me
 
 Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex
                      with other guys
 
 (While shopping): I like that one better = Pick any bloody dress
                                            and let's go home and
                                            have sex!"