25 Funny Tweets

Some really brilliant lines are sharing every second in Twitter. 
        Let me share these precious 25 with you :D


“Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas. - P. Poundstone

“Dear life, when I said “ can my day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question not a challenge” @Willyferrell

“As Bieber sleeps, I grow stronger. Sleep, Bieber. Sleep.” Conan Obrien

“How do you find will smith in the snow?  Look for the fresh prints...”

“Ever been so drunk that you cooked a pizza at 20 degrees for 350 minutes?” - @Coastiefish

“I tried to kill a spider with hair spray. It’s still alive, but its hair looks FABULOOOOUS”

“My father looked at all my tweets yesterday and said "I don't know who the bigger failure is- you, me or god." - MarvinMacatol

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific." -Lily Tomlin

"Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die"

“I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.” -Britney Spears

"Saying ''LMFAO'' ''ROFL'' and "LOL" when you're clearly just sitting there showing less expression than a brick."

"NEXT!!! Can I help you? Nah. I just stood in line to say hi."

"To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it.
They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I agree'." @Almightygod

"My personality test results came back. They're negative." @Redrabbit

"My mechanic just told me I could pick my car up at 5 p.m. and that they 'might be having a few beers there after work'. OMG is this a date?!" @katydidsays

" God must love stupid people. He made SO many."

"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."

"Take everything in moderation. Including moderation."

"Marriage is like game of poker. You start with pair and end with full house."@confuciussay

”Always protect your ‘wand’ when entering her Chamber of Secrets.” - @_Snape_

“I like my coffee to be like my secret eHarmony account’s profile picture: black.” @pattonoswalt

“Smoking pot may be illegal, but then again, so is the music on your iPod” - @PeterGriffin

“ I hate when ugly people say “I need my beauty sleep” Bitch you need to hibernate”- @Adam Sandler

“Someone approached me today and asked me if I was that chick from The L Word…” justinbeiber

“ I haven’t seen a spider around the house in days. WHAT THE F*CK ARE THEY PLANNING?” - @Robinwilliams

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1 Response to "25 Funny Tweets"

  1. Anonymous says:

    “How do you find will smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prints...” rofl

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