Funny people in walmart
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The craziest and funny people just love shopping in Walmart.
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5 rules in every Chuck Norris movie
There are 5 rules that can be applied to almost every Chuck Norris movie.
Rule 1: Chuck Norris never reloads
Rule 2: Chuck Norris always hits first
Rule 3: You can't run or hide from Chuck Norris
Rule 4: Everything he touches becomes a weapon
Rule 5: Chuck Norris never miss his targets
World of Warcraft Yo Momma Jokes
What's more funny than World of Wacraft Jokes and Yo Momma Jokes?
Ya right - The Wow Yo Momma jokes!
Yo momma is so fat, she takes up 5 slots in a raid group!
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Yo momma so fat chain lightning hits her three times.
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Yo momma is so fat, warlocks have to use 2 soulshards to summon her.
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Your momma's so fat that when she logged into Stormwind she caused a global server crash.
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Yo momma's so fat, that the place she farted, is now known as Un'goro crater.
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Yo momma’s so fat that mages have to grease their portals and conjure cinnamon rolls on the other side to get her through.
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Yo momma’s so fat, at level 20 she gets Aspect of the Whale.
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Yo momma is so fat, she can tank…and she is a mage..
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Yo mama is so ugly the undead started to sing “We are family”.
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Yo momma is so fat she can capture all the bases in Arati Basin…at the same time.
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Yo momma is so ugly she scares Illidan who goes yelling : “ I’m not prepared!”
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Your momma so fat she sat on the Black Temple and turned it into Sunken Temple!
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Yo mama so fat she tried to pop sprint and still ran at normal speed!
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Yo momma so fat, that since she joined my server I can’t even log in.
It says: “Server is Full.”…
Top 15 funny sayings in court
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Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
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What happened then?
He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Did he kill you?
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Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
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Can you describe the individual?
He was about medium height and had a beard.
Was this a male or female?
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Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
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Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
By death.
And by whose death was it terminated?
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She had three children, right?
Yes.
How many were boys?
None.
Were there girls?
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What is your martial status?
Fair.
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Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth?”
“What happens if I say no?”
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What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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Were you present when your picture was taken?
Would you repeat the question?
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You say the stairs went down to the basement?
Yes.
And these stairs, did they go up also?
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All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
Oral..
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Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
Yes.
Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
Yes, sir.
What did she say?
What disco am I at?
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How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the colision?
More funny things said in court:
Jokes / Funny polar bear jokes
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One day a baby polar bear step in front his mother with a confused expression on his face and says, "Mom? Am I a polar bear?"
"Well of course my dear!"
The baby polar bear replied, "Are u sure I'm not a panda bear or a black bear?"
"Sure you’re not. Now run outside and play."
But the baby polar bear is still confused so he approaches his father.
And asks, "Dad, ehm..am I a polar bear?"
"Sure you are son!" the papa polar bear gruffly replies.
The baby polar bear continues, "I don't have any grizzly bear or Koala bear in my bloodlines?"
"Nope son. I'm a polar bear, your mother is a polar bear, and you too are one 100% purebred polar bear!! Why in the world do you ask?"
"Cause I'm freezing my BUTT off!!"
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Why do bears have fur coats ?
Because they'd look stupid in anoraks !
Why shouldn't you take a bear to the zoo ?
Because they'd rather go to the cinema !
What kind of money do polar bears use ?
Ice lolly !
How do you start a teddy bear race ?
Ready, teddy, go !
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A polar bear walks into a bar and says "I'd like a Gin ............................. and tonic please".
The barman asks "What's with the big pause?"
To which the bear replies "I don't know, I've always had them".
25 Funny Tweets
Some really brilliant lines are sharing every second in Twitter.
Let me share these precious 25 with you :D
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“Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas. - P. Poundstone
“Dear life, when I said “ can my day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question not a challenge” – @Willyferrell
“As Bieber sleeps, I grow stronger. Sleep, Bieber. Sleep.” – Conan Obrien
“How do you find will smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prints...”
“Ever been so drunk that you cooked a pizza at 20 degrees for 350 minutes?” - @Coastiefish
“I tried to kill a spider with hair spray. It’s still alive, but its hair looks FABULOOOOUS”
“My father looked at all my tweets yesterday and said "I don't know who the bigger failure is- you, me or god." - MarvinMacatol
"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific." -Lily Tomlin
"Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die"
“I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.” -Britney Spears
"Saying ''LMFAO'' ''ROFL'' and "LOL" when you're clearly just sitting there showing less expression than a brick."
"NEXT!!! Can I help you? Nah. I just stood in line to say hi."
"To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it.
They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I agree'." @Almightygod
"My personality test results came back. They're negative." @Redrabbit
"My mechanic just told me I could pick my car up at 5 p.m. and that they 'might be having a few beers there after work'. OMG is this a date?!" @katydidsays
" God must love stupid people. He made SO many."
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
"Take everything in moderation. Including moderation."
"Marriage is like game of poker. You start with pair and end with full house."@confuciussay
”Always protect your ‘wand’ when entering her Chamber of Secrets.” - @_Snape_
“I like my coffee to be like my secret eHarmony account’s profile picture: black.” –@pattonoswalt
“Smoking pot may be illegal, but then again, so is the music on your iPod” - @PeterGriffin
“ I hate when ugly people say “I need my beauty sleep” Bitch you need to hibernate”- @Adam Sandler
“Someone approached me today and asked me if I was that chick from The L Word…” justinbeiber
“ I haven’t seen a spider around the house in days. WHAT THE F*CK ARE THEY PLANNING?” - @Robinwilliams
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