It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family are just
    waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at
    the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty!
    
    "Who's been eating my porridge?!" he squeaks.
    
    Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks
    into his big bowl. It is also empty!
    
    "Who's been eating my porridge?!" he roars.
    
    Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen
    and screams, "For God's sake, how many times do we have to go through
    this? I haven't made the f*cking porridge yet!!"

A wild rabbit got caught and was taken to a laboratory. While he was
    in there he befriended a rabbit who had been in the lab since the day
    he was born.
    
    Anyway, one evening the wild rabbit noticed that his cage hadn't been
    properly closed, and decided to make a break for freedom. He asked the
    lab rabbit if he would like to join him. The lab rabbit was unsure, as
    he had never been outside the lab. However, the wild rabbit finally
    convinced him to give it a try.
    
    Once they were free, the wild rabbit said, "I'll show you the number
    three best field." and took the lab rabbit to a field full of lettuce.
    
    After they had eaten their fill, the wild rabbit said, "Now I'll show
    you the number two best field." and took the lab rabbit to a field
    full of carrots.
    
    After they had eaten their fill, the wild rabbit said, "Now I'll show
    you the number one best field." and took the lab rabbit to a warren
    full of female bunnies. It was heaven, non-stop bonking most of the
    evening.
    
    As dawn was beginning to break, the lab rabbit announced that he would
    have to be getting back to the lab.
    
    "Why?" said the wild rabbit. "I've shown you the number three best
    field with the lettuce, the number two best field with the carrots,
    and the number one best field with the bonking. Why do you want to go
    back to the lab?"
    
    The lab rabbit replied "I can't help it - I'm dying for a cigarette!"